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Disgusting [14 Oct 2010|06:52pm]

That's how I feel for what I do. It's like it's not me, or well, that it FEELS like it's not me. I keep failing. I try SO hard, but I always seem to fail. I used to cut myself, to deal, but I'm done with that... I just wish I knew how to deal now. I think the scary part is that I don't get triggered by it always, and that I don't cry. Instead I'm numb- is that coping or dealing, because I can't do that. I just can't. I wish I knew what to do and how. I miss having people around me all the time, because then I had no way to engage, no opportunities- but being alone now, I have so many, and so many cravings, to the point I can't think or concentrate. I wish my doctor took this issue more seriously, instead of thinking it as nothing. I wonder if, I'm alone in this.
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words from my cheated ex [28 Aug 2010|10:30pm]

Thank you for everything. I miss you too. I did love you and cared for you. Don't ever think I didn't. And I never cheated on you. I know you thought I did. But I never did. I wish I could have known this was going to happened but I didn't. You lied to me SEVERAL times. That is what hurts the most. But everything happens for a reason. God knows everything and sees everything. I hope you find yourself and peace of mind. I hope you find god and I wish you luck with that. It is very hard being without you too...
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releasing [19 Aug 2010|10:07pm]

Well since my last entry, i have been having thoughts, and memories, haunting me like the plague spreading out through my body. I see Jose's face where ever i go, and its hard because, we went to a lot of places. So its hard for me to go anywhere, and when i get my life back together, i would want to go to my favorite places, with someone i care about, am just afraid of having to think of jose, and fall back into depression and miss him all over again. Fear, of going with someone and then thinking to myself that it doesn't feel right, because the person I' am with is not the person i want him to be. I feel to shake off the hurt, and pain that i have inflected on him, the person that meant so much to me, that supported me. I miss him to this day, and it hurts so much. I hate myself for it, and that you have no idea how much i would hate myself. I tend to punish myself in ways that are not life threatening. I tend to distance myself from those that love me, my family, and friends. I tend to stay away and break any forms of communication. but now am starting to go to therapy, counseling, and in the process of looking for a 12 step program, am beginning to look for my family, and friends. Am, beginning to understand the one person that was confused, lost, depressed, angry, frustrated, and tormented...me. Am tired, for 8 years. my addiction has had a control over me, and i didn't know what force of addiction it was. I wasn't sure what possessed me, and what had me under control. I had felt that something so powerful had me in a battle like, the scene of lord of the rings, the battle for middle earth, where the humans raced against time, charging towards the trolls, and goblins, to fight for one thing, one purpose. and i just stand back waiting to see what the outcome of the battle will be, and who's side am i on?

I have regrets, and i have issues.with who? my family, we were'nt the family i would've liked to be. But most of all i have more issues with me then i do with my family.
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addiction is the cause [11 Aug 2010|08:53pm]

Its been years that i have been here at live journal. I have gone through so much as i have before, i feel like as if am in a never ending story of chaos and destruction. Devastation, that i have caused and choose to let happen. I have no one to blame but me, myself and I. For years I have been looking for someone to fill my void that I have had inside of me. I have been some nice guys, and some guys that just wanted to get things that they needed to get by, and it was by using me. But then out of all the mess, and craziness, one guy stepped out above them all. In the beginning, it felt weird, but it was good feeling. When i asked him out, i couldn't believe that he was going to go out with me. I say that because i really don't look at myself as a person of looks and physique, but he did. Our first date was bowling, and it was fun, even when we went there, i drove us there, and ended up driving over a divider (lol). Soon after bowling we went to eat, I took him to eat sushi, he loved it. I saw myself making a life with him, and settling down with him and having a family of our own. he was everything i ever wanted, and still till this day, i want. When i first asked him to be in a serious relationship with me was when i took him to the Getty Villa, i had buttered him up with deserts that were his favorite, like chocolate dipped strawberries, fruit tart, and a lemon bar. i remember our first kiss, it was at my apartment, we laid down together and we held each other looking into each other's eyes, and i leaned over and kissed him. And now i miss him so much, i gave him up because of my addiction, i choose my addiction over him, and i hate it. Because i love him so much. I miss every day of my life, every second, every hour. i knew i had to leave him, and he did too, i didn't want to hurt anymore then i have. I have learned about myself through him. I thank him for being there for me, always. He changed me, in a positive way that I will not forget. Some people might have a different aspect of him, but hey i know the real him, i know his whys, his causes, and his reasons. But i didn't know, i love him so much, but i do....

Jose Carlos Florentino,
we will have each other, in our time of need, Jose your the world to me...
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Sex and addiction [05 Feb 2010|06:47pm]

I came to LJ to try to figure out my now nearly 35 year struggle with being a sexual man. There's a lot of discussion around LJ about this. There are a lot of people who are trying to stop some sort of conflict they have with sex. It seems like all of us are doing things a little differently. Some of us want to stop destructive behavior, some of us want to exhibit ourselves here anonymously, some of us get off on blogging.  We've all got different agendas. In many respects it is refreshing to be able to talk openly about many of these taboo subjects. There's something about that that is healthy. We try to repress all of these urges and thoughts in our public world. Most of us, I think, feel trapped.

I wonder, how many people out there find these anonymous LJ communities to be helpful. I am of two minds. Although I said that it is in many respects very good to be able to be open about problems we can't otherwise talk about, sometimes--many times, given what I've seen, LJ tends to foster a lot of sex obsession. There are just a lot of people out there who want to show off their bodies. I know that I have strong urges to exhibit myself, though I've never done it. It makes me really excited to think about others getting off on my body. The other thing is that for those of us trying to find a healthy path, the temptations are vast.

We are all very sexual beings and that is all part of us. How to come to terms with our sex seems to be the big problem.
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[10 Dec 2009|01:43pm]

[ mood | numb ]

Hi...I'm new here. I thought about this issue for a while, and some people have suggested I might have a problem with sex addiction, and I took a couple screening tests online (they all say I have it), but I dont know for sure if I do or not. What I DO know is:

  • I need porn & masturbation at least every other day.
  • I need sex every other day.
  • If I don't get sex or get to masturbate, I get very antsy and anxious.
  • Sex/sexual fantasy/etc. consumes almost all my thoughts.

    I am engaged, and have been for 2 years this past November. What's worse, is he is suffering from low testerone, and hasn't been able to even kiss me in around a year. I have cheated a couple times here and there, and I hate it, but find myself unable to really do anything about it.

    I struggle from Borderline Personality Disorder and Clinical Depression as well, and after having sex, I feel more depressed than I was before. Sex is empty to me, and even the last few times I had sex with my fiance, it felt empty. I have never orgasmed, and I feel like this situation will never change.

    When I was younger, I wanted to remain a virgin til marriage due to my Religion, but I was raped @ 16, and after that, I just kind of went wild and went on to have risky sex (no protection or birth control) with over 40 men. I'm almost 21 and I'm so ashamed at the # of men I've slept with. I am also considering Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation due to my looseness. I caught HPV, and I'm SO lucky I never got anything more serious, or got pregnant.

    I'm glad to be here, and to know I am not alone. I do not have insurance right now, so I can't afford to go to a therapist for my problems, but at least I'll be in similar company here. BTW, I am Danalee. Thanks again everyone.
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    very hot & just as confusing [08 Dec 2009|01:57pm]

    [ mood | confused ]

    5:45 PM 12/5/09 · Shortly after I first popped onto twitter I started looking for people I knew and then people I admired. Among the latter was Penny Flame who has been hands down one of my favorite porn stars for awhile...

    ...which is saying something considering I've really only seen her in a couple scenes and a few photo spreads. Been off and on about setting up a fan community here, to go with the ones I've got of pornstars, and maybe I will one of these days but that's not the main point.

    The thing of it is that she's absolutely beautiful when she's fucking, which you can say about a lot of the women in that line of work but she kind of kicks it up a notch higher somehow. It's also a given that not everything in porn, though hopefully les so than in professional wrestling, is 100% real but I always got the sense that she was spot on totally in the moment when a scene was going on.

    • Finding her on Twitter met with some mixed results:

      • 1) @EarthPresident: her main account while still in the porn industry

      • 2) @BecomingJennie: this is her current main account as she's no longer a pornstar

      • 3) @PennyFlame: this may be a fan account or a sockpuppet but I keep following it regardless

      About the time I got onto twitter she stopped actively being a pornstar...supposedly. May well be true but I'm a little sketchy on the matter for a couple reasons. Her porn website is still up, which I suppose makes a certain amount of sense insofar as residual income goes. I keep seeing reviews of new movies she's done coming out all the time, most recently as of about a couple weeks ago...

      ...and the claim is she quit the industry roundabout a year or so back.

      Decided to look her up on wikipedia, for this one time it had more info on a pornstar than wikiporno did. It attributed her leaving the industry in part to being on Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, which I'd never heard of and couldn't find any listings for...at the time. It's an active program now, was watching it when I started typing this up, but I still haven't seen a full episode. Going to catch the new one next Sunday.

      Okay, calling it a 'claim' may be a bit harsh but it's just a thing with porn. Too many stars leave the industry and then wander back in. Hell, Ginger Lynn is in porn again! As Jenna Jameson says, caught her on Oprah a couple weeks back, you never ever stop being a porn star. Now, it's possible that all the movies I've been seeing reviewed that have Penny Flame in them were made prior to her quitting. Just as I saw her quitting being about her time on Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew which hadn't come out back then and is on now. I know stuff in all branches of the entertainment industry isn't actively being done at the time it's released necessarily.

      Just always got the sense that porn, particularly the gonzo stuff, was up on the shelf within weeks of being shot.

      During sex scenes she's the most wild and free creature I've ever seen, exactly what I look for in women to pleasure. When not actively having ze sex she just looks amazing. On Sex Rehab she's looks disturbingly like my friend SuziSuzi did a number of years back, which is still pretty damned good.

      Penny Flame is largely the reason I'm watching this show, to wrap my head around this change and maybe answer a few other things I'm a little confused about. Then there's just the one other reason too.

      I'm also a sex addict.

      kinda self·diagnosed and not in therapyCollapse )
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    [03 Oct 2009|06:18pm]

    i am about to turn 22.

    my roommate told me they had only slept with 7 people in their lives.

    is it strange that i find this...odd?

    i thought about it and i can't even count how many partners i've had on my hands or feet anymore.

    the fact that i just got out of a year long relationship with a boy that i had a child with two years ago and it failed, and a lot of my issues with him was he never wanted to f*ck me, may have something to do with my behavior but i can't help but wonder if it's an addiction that has stemmed from other issues.

    in the past two weeks i have, picked up a man at a bar a whole legal person older than me and brought him back to my house for sex and then made him leave early in the morning. slept with my roommate who i haven't even moved in with yet. and slept with an old friend that just has an amazing penis. not to mention the excessive masturbation i do.

    what i find weird is i don't feel guilty about it. i don't feel like a slut. i don't feel any real bad feelings...i really like sex and i like the people i choose. i am picky but i have a lot of choices it seems. i'm just wondering how healthy this isn't and if i'm doing something wrong. i'm always safe and i always check to make sure i'm clean and staying safe. perhaps i do this because i don't get sex confused with love, and perhaps i am keeping people emotionally at arms length. maybe i just love sex and i'm afraid of love. i don't really know.
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    Did someone pour sugar in my gas tank? [17 Mar 2009|01:37pm]

    [ mood | nervous ]

    12:39 AM 3/17/09 · I've long held that I'm addicted to sex. Seemed to have all the symptoms, my sex drive which was already high was on a seemingly neverending steady climb to even greater heights, and a number of other little things here and there. While I was still questioning it someone directed me to an online site for sex addicts and there was this little quiz dealio that you're supposed to take...

    ...and I scored really high.

    Then again, I've always done well on tests.

    Maybe "well" isn't the right word here.

    On average I mastrubate (masturbate?) twice on any given day. If I try to interrupt that cycle it usually results into a sorta binge dealio up until the point I'm dehydrated; record is currently 9 times on a really hot afternoon. A big part o' why I'm so big into self·pleasure is because I don't normally orgasm during sex. I've been with 117 women and only 2 of them ever got me to orgasm.

    Tend to discount 1 as she liberated me from my virginity. The other only managed to get me there after 9 hours of unrelenting sex.

    We were just cool that way.

    I got to a point where I wasn't having sex as much as I used to, disturbingly often with a multitude of months and once even a solid year without a willing woman to wrap around myself and us tearing into each other until we were left in a happy exhausted puddle of each other. It was a constant unending ache that getting myself off only eased the pain ever so slightly. I was starving for it, NEEDing it, going ½ outta my mind for it...

    ...and I ain't a bastion of sanity on the best o' days as it is.

    So, sex addict. Easy to accept. Probably would've been easier to deal with if I hadn't gone the "best treatment for sex addiction is sex" route. Though admittedly that's improved greatly of late. Currently seeing 3 women, all of whom know about each other, and my NEED is purring like a kitten for the most part.

    What's weird is my sex drive is doing something unusual. Where it was once constantly increasing...it's been decreasing of late. It's not like it hasn't fluctuated before, have a number of posts where I went off about something bizarre it was doing to me at one time or another, but this feels different.

    Significantly different!

    Ominously diff...I'm silly, sue me.

    The only rational thing I can probably put to this is I'm 38 years old and, from what I've heard, sex drives tend to slump in men of my age range. This is kind of a relief as I'm not constantly aching for sex all the time now, though I'd be lying if I said the craving had gone away. There's also the annoying disadvantage that I'm not maintaining an erection as well as I used to. Normally I last up until the point I orgasm...which given I don't tend to orgasm during sex...

    ...well, you can do the math and see what I mean.

    I used to laugh at those Cialis & Enzyte commercials.

    Averaging only being able to maintain one for anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour now. Still better than the ballpark average but unfortunately the fact I'm not maintaining as long does not mean I'm getting off any easier.

    A working theory as to why my libido is doing this about figures to all I've got. Might not even be right. Still, I can't help but wonder if I ever was actually addicted to sex or just reacting to my insane sex drive.

    Just because I hit all the symptoms doesn't necessarily mean anything...right?

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    [16 Mar 2009|02:57am]

    gave up sex for lent!!!!

    so far going well. i won't lie, it's not easy, but not having to worry about std's, becoming pregnant or losing what little self respect i have left is making it worth it.

    plus one of my f buddies always brings over coke. so 2 birds, one stone.

    sorry for not introducing myself - this is my first post, tho i've bin on this community a while - i'll let you know if i keep this up! i hope i can, tho i'm not so sure, it's hard :s

    ps obv this doesn't include individual activity, but i see no harm in that - it's not that that has a negative impact on my life

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    [14 Mar 2009|11:07pm]

    So, I'm dating an addict. We've been together for 1.5-years now but it's only been recently that his addiction(s) have started effecting our relationship.

    When I met Nick he admitted to me that he had problems with alcoholism and drug abuse in the past. He's 25 now but during high school he smoked marijuana and cigarettes and drank every day (showing up at school at 10 AM drunk). He also abused Ritalin and other prescription amphetamines. His drug abuse and drinking caused him to fail many of his high school classes and eventually he was kicked out of school for bringing alcohol.

    At around 19 he stopped smoking marijuana and got his GED but continued to drink heavily. At 22 he cut back on his drinking after a fight with his ex-girlfriend caused him to move from their apartment in Michigan back to his hometown of Chicago.

    I met him on a university trip to Chicago. At the time I was attending a university in Michigan but decided to transfer to a school in Chicago which offered the major I wanted to pursue. We've been dating since October 2007, I moved to Chicago in August 2008.

    I knew about his past history with drug abuse and alcoholism when we first started dating but I was naive in how that would continue to affect him. I tried to keep an eye on his drinking, asked him to quit cigarettes (he did), and generally supported him making healthy decisions.
    Read more...NSFW?Collapse ).
    He started going to a support group for sexual compulsive. I want to support him but at the same time he's violated my trust. I love him and realized he's an addict before we started dating so I'm not going to abandon him. But I don't know what to do right now.

    Crossposted to addictedpartner 
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    might be something up with my plumbing [26 Jan 2009|11:47am]

    [ mood | tired ]

    12:48 PM 1/24/09 · I've noticed lately, give or take the last couple weeks, that I'm getting myself off easier than I have before. It notmally takes me 45 minutes to an hour or more. Lately it's just been more like 10 to 15 minutes. I'm curious if possibly this might mean the rather scary amount of time it takes me to orgasm during sex would also be significantly lessened or not but I've been running into an issue there as well.

    Don't seem to be maintaining an erection as much when sex with someone else is an option...

    ...kinda sorta maybe·ish.

    I've noted before that a rather bizarre quirk of my sexual addiction is that I don't need sex to actually ease it off. Mastrubation takes the edge off a little bit but actually being with someone feeds it. It's the intimacy that seems to do it, I've lost all the pangs I have for sex just having slept with someone I care for.

    I'm the kinda guy that when I say I "slept with someone" I'm not talking about sex. Just very plainspoken by nature. I mean "sex" I say sex...or fuck or boink or a bunch of other things but "sleep" is actual sleeping.

    Moving right along...

    My sex drive is as high as it ever was but the actual addiction seems to have gone on vacation. I would attribute this to the fact that one of the most regular recent women I've had in my bed has spent the night every Thursday for the past month and some change. Such lovely smooth skin, such a natural cuddler, such wonderful texture (inside joke) and she's just so giving of herself...I can't explain it but it seems to be doing the trick. We want to have sex but other than some oral and manual we really haven't.

    Bit o' some technical difficulties involved there but that's not important to this post.

    Haven't really explained the voraciousness of my sex drive before, it's a wonder I'm not crawling with all sorts of creepy crawlies inside but I'm not. When I was 22 years of age I'd only been with 3 women...

    ...by age 29 I'd been with +100 more.

    Good times!

    It's possible my needs being met, the no·sex·naked·time rubs a lot of sex addicts the wrong way as they say if that's what makes my sex addiction go away then I must not be a sex addict, is why could explain an interesting rash of erection issues...or it might be something else. My ability to maintain has been interrupted before when I've been in something of a funk. I'm not sad or depressed or anything but I have been feeling decidedly not right the alst few weeks. Not entirely sure why and whatever it is may blow over soon enough on its own but it is troubling.

    Seems more than a little odd that I'm not feeling the pain my addiction usually brings me anymore and that's what is bothering me. Okay, sure...the not being able to maintain an erection thang is kinda bugging me too but I don't know what the average for holding on is. Normally I get one and if nothing is going down at the time it sticks around to watch TV with me for awhile...

    ...now it goes away in relatively short order.

    Suppose it could just be me getting old.

    I dunno...but there's one surefire test.

    Of the 3 women I'm currently seeing, one of them is built like a pornstar. Well, not just built, used to be one. Regardless of what the truth of all this is, her effect on my system is like getting hit with a lightning bolt.

    Just a matter of finding a loophole in her exceptionally busy schedule.

    5:49 PM 1/25/09 · Was toying around with adstaining from any sexual activity for maybe about a week. I lasted all of about 2 hours, I've had myself some happies; 3 times. Although it would seem that having written this got whatever it may've been out of my system as I was back on my usual clock, so to speak.

    Go figure.

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    methods of not going bonkers [01 Oct 2008|02:42pm]

    [ mood | creative ]

    11:38 PM 9/30/08 · The first sex addict community I joined, and often seem to be the only posting memeber in, was climbingthewall back in early 2004...ish. Fairly early on I made a blurb about having a bunch of ways of dealing with my addiction pangs when it really got bad and I promised to drum up a list.

    I love writing lists.

    It's a thing.

    a brief history with some current contextCollapse )

    • How I cope with my sex addiction:

      • Well, there's always mastrubation...which I do a lot. Usually to help me goto sleep and then to help me wake up. It doesn't have to make sense.

      • Really violent computer games! Don't know why it works but it does.

      • Certain strong, but not rich, forms of chocolate. Particularly milk ones, it soothes the urge off for some reason or other. Doesn't last too long but every little bit helps.

      • I should specify that I'm very literal. When I say "sleep" I mean literally that. I've found that sleeping with a friend or fuckbuddy, naked is a nice plus, also eases off the NEED quite well. I have no idea why this works, though I've a hunch, and it's usually only effective for a day or two.

      • Lots and lots of television. Effective for a number of things that ail me...or so I like to tell myself.

      • Eating. Not to excess but I enjoy food so much that I shut most everything else out because I so love the sensations of taste.

      • I've mentioned before that little kids work too. Dunno why but when I'm around the tiny monsters my sex drive, and by extension sex addiction, shuts off completely. They tend to love me to death and I find them endlessly fascinating so it works out great. Downside is that as soon as they're gone the drive and addiction click right back on.

      • Then there's typing. As anyone that reads either my sex journal or my main one can attest to, I post an insane amount of content. I also moderate a little over 100 communities which I also post to obsessively. If not for livejournal I'd be a real mess.

    Realistically I suppose it would make more sense to get into some kind of program but I don't think that would go over so well for 2 reasons. In the first, what I know of some seems to involve a religious aspect which would likely clash with the fact I'm a non·religious polytheist. The other reason is I know myself well enough to know that no matter how sincere a commitment I made to a program, on some level I'd be sizing up others attending as potential sex partners. I'm under no illusions that it'd be anything like that nip/tuck scenario, or those 3 pages from The Darkness...but I'd still be looking.

    Nobody's perfect.
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    might be worth a look [01 Oct 2008|02:40pm]

    [ mood | melancholy ]

    On the NBC evening news, at 11pm, they're doing a program on sex addiction.

    By the by, rather than do this in a separate post, someone who will remain nameless messaged me over the weekend with a complaint of sorts. It was said that my "HA HA, I LOVE SEX AND CHOCOLATE MAKES ME HAPPY" attitude was offensive to be posted in communities for sex addiction. I'd like to address that for a moment.

    I am sorry that my not being a sullen, depressed, deeply pained, agonized moody, individual is bothering others with my affliction. I would apologize for this if I didn't think it was a ridiculous accusation to make. It's not that I'm not hurting and it is most certainly not that I am coming across as happy as some ploy to cause hardship on others. My nature is to be fairly goofy and silly and hopelessly optimistic and that may be the one thing, along with a strict sexual code I strive not to violate, that has prevented me from fully collapsing and giving into my urges in ways I would most certainly regret after the fact.

    Basically, if said person is reading this, know that my being happy is my way of coping and while I may not always be as joyful as I appear (years of helping friends and strangers with their problems rather than deal with my own may've helped develop a slight facade) I am at least a bit. There are times I get so beyond sunk into a bottomless pit of despair that I shut down completely...

    ...but I have a multitude of ways to distract myself from there that have never grown old. Generally I don't write something up when I'm like that and by the time I'm in a typing mood again I'll recall what I went through but I'm in better spirits.

    Or, to put it another way, if you can't deal with my not being a sullen, depressed (you know the rest)...tough.

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    stroking my way to escapism [22 Aug 2008|02:35pm]

    [ mood | energetic ]

    9:39 AM 8/21/08 · Under normal conditions my sex drive is high but I've got something of a handle on it, no pun intended. May be that usually I'm working so it's not like I can haul out at the office and engage in some personal happy. Still feel the burning NEED but I can hold off from giving into it. Similar to when I'm visiting family for any length of time...

    ...on some level I view it innappropriate and just don't engage.

    I haven't had sex since May, though I have engaged in a heated liplock for a couple hours since then. I was also laid off since then too. The two are not working well with each other right now as my sex drive is skyrocketing. This isn't unusual for this time of year which is either due to an ancient biological clock most human ignore nowadays and I'm reacting to it being mating season...

    ...or something about really hot weather just makes me horny as all get out.

    Course, that's not the whole thing. Pretty much anything makes me horny. I actually texted about a dozen people yesterday asking them for something to help me take my mind off of sex. That didn't go so well. Got suggestions for cold shouwers, which I countered with I find the cold quite painful and that my brain immediately starts thinking sex to warm my body up. Some suggested exercise but that doesn't work as I view sex as a very gratifying form of exercise as it works out the entire body, if you're doing it right, and gets all systems operating at peak performance.

    This is something of a problem in itself. About a decade back I used to challenge people to come up with anything that had nothing to do with sex and my overly imaginative head would spin off any number of ways of showing how it actually did. There may be things that have nothing to do with sex but I could still make it seem like it does regardless.

    It's a curse.

    Anyway, normally I only get myself off twice a day; once at night to help me sleep and once in the morning to help me wake up. Ironically, that morning one works against me if I don't get out of bed right after cuz I'll pass out. Given my little problem being what it is, tends to take me 45 minute to an hour to get myself to orgasm but it's usually time well spent. Even if the orgasm is a tad substandard...it still gives me what I need for a few hours.

    Yes, I have a monkey in my lap.

    Bet no one ever thought to phrase it like that before.

    As I said, that's the normal way things go. Recently though I've been averaging between 2 to 5 times a day. Usually not quite so much....but it happens. Largely the only thing preventing from having sex is the ones I'm involved with are very into their own lives at the moment, got to make de big bucks, so that they have little time for anything else, like sleep. That's a small comfort but I still miss them and I'm horny as all get out and my brain's exploding...

    ...so I relieve the pressure in any way that I can.

    I'm sure you can guess the most popular one.

    Oddly, I'm not getting much in the way of dehydrated but I'm hardly complaining.

    Tend to go Vaseline for myself, only really go water based lube when I'm having sex. It's a small benefit my own way as that first one is good for the skin on my hand and I've yet to find a good water based one that actually benefits my skin. Which may be something of a moot point given there was a recent bit on the news stating that most skin moisturizers have been shown to be cancer causers...

    ...and that's about that.

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    this post has a condom on it... [05 Aug 2008|01:14pm]

    [ mood | distressed ]

    ...or, better to say, responses will be screened.

    10:19 AM 8/2/08 · Heard on the burst of stuff I get with my morning news, alarm clock radio, that there's about 56,000 more cases of people infected with the HIV virus (since 2006) in the United States than was previously believed. This seemed as much a shock to the newscaster, who's repeated the announcement every 10 to 20 minutes, as it did to me. Even more of a shock, apparently, to the people that normally track these statistics who were blown away by this revelation.

    So, I'm xposting this fairly heavily to get the widest range of responses to the following questions:

    Do you use safe sex?
    What is your preferred method of safe sex?
    Do you always use safe sex or stop at some point with some people?
    Do you also use safe sex for more than just intercourse?
    Do you practice safe oral sex?

    Individual mods of the communities I send this to, I hope this is okay.

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    I swear I don't have a foot fetish [04 Aug 2008|02:20pm]

    [ mood | horny ]

    10:17 AM 8/3/08 · My sex dreams tend to be a tad annoying because, normally, shortly after things get sexual I wake up. Tends to happen a little after insertion and I've no idea why.

    My subconcious mind is a bastard!

    So, last night was one of those rare exceptions where this didn't happen...and I'm not really sure that's a good thing. I was fucking God likes meRaven, which is always a good thing, but I was working my way into her through her foot. Not suggesting that she is just that flexible or anything, I was literally entering her through her foot. Close to the heel, if not the heel itself. It was slow going, which isn't unusual for us per se as I'm quite thick, but even as I was doing it I was trying to work out what the Hell brought this on.

    Analyze that, I dare ya!

    While the inherent beauty of lucid dreaming is that I'm aware as of the Dreamscape as I am of the Waking World...that doesn't necessarily mean I understand what's going on as it's happening.

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    pick a card, any card [28 Jul 2008|07:40am]

    [ mood | quixotic ]

    9:52 PM 7/24/08 · Back during my sexual development, less the body and more the mind, I did some poking around the swinger lifestyle. Didn't get so much as involved with it, at the time anyway, but I did peruse several magainzes and read a lot of the literature. Wrote some organizations and got packets of stuff in the mail...

    ...it was kinda nice.

    This was back during my teens and early 20's. No matter what or who wrote me back I kept getting these two cards in every mail. One was white and one was blue and they made me grin from ear to ear.

    Blue Card:
    Front: If you're in the mood for sex, keep this card & smile. If you're not in the mood tear this card up.
    Back: The Plain Facts: Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, making the average intercourse consist of 36 strokes. Since the average length is six inches, the average girl receives 216 inches, or 18 feet per intercourse. The average girl does it about 3 times a week, 50 weeks out of the year, and 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just a little over one·½ mile. So girls if you're not getting your one·½ mile, why not let the man who gave this to you to read, help you catch up? Sexually yours *sign your name here*
    White Card:
    Front: The person who hands you this is a swinger. Don't panic...keep cool. Lie flat on your back and do everything the nice swinger tells you to do.
    Back: Would you believe 2,000,000 a day get laid on the average? That's 148,000 a minute. While the average reader reads this, about 1,000 are getting in, getting on, or getting off!

    I kept a lotta crap in my wallet and while I'm not putting these into the new one...I don't think I'm ready to throw them away quite yet. Not that I'll ever use them but they still make me smile.

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    Someone help? [25 Apr 2008|09:39pm]

    [ mood | predatory ]

    OK I am new to this kind of thing erm how can I begin I need advice you see I am addicted to ruff sex S&M I love my partner of 6 years to bite me and spank me  but he isn't really interested all that much, I've been having sexual dreams. I am in dire need of a master lol I'm actually a bit nervous writing this I don't know what to do. I am 25 so why all of a sudden am I getting these weird feeling now? LOL. I get bad tempered when he isn't ruff I mean I am 6 stone and he is 25 stone not fat really evens out coz hes 6'6. How can I explain what I want without sounding like a freak someone help!

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    Thought of the Week [25 Apr 2008|08:05am]

    [ mood | thoughtful ]

    The failing of my general method of seduction is that even I don't quite understand it so there's really no way I can sit down and describe it to someone else...

    ...however, the beauty of it is that it works!

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