Ray (my_happy_places) wrote in climbingthewall,

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pick a card, any card

9:52 PM 7/24/08 · Back during my sexual development, less the body and more the mind, I did some poking around the swinger lifestyle. Didn't get so much as involved with it, at the time anyway, but I did peruse several magainzes and read a lot of the literature. Wrote some organizations and got packets of stuff in the mail...

...it was kinda nice.

This was back during my teens and early 20's. No matter what or who wrote me back I kept getting these two cards in every mail. One was white and one was blue and they made me grin from ear to ear.

Blue Card:
Front: If you're in the mood for sex, keep this card & smile. If you're not in the mood tear this card up.
Back: The Plain Facts: Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, making the average intercourse consist of 36 strokes. Since the average length is six inches, the average girl receives 216 inches, or 18 feet per intercourse. The average girl does it about 3 times a week, 50 weeks out of the year, and 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just a little over one·½ mile. So girls if you're not getting your one·½ mile, why not let the man who gave this to you to read, help you catch up? Sexually yours *sign your name here*
White Card:
Front: The person who hands you this is a swinger. Don't panic...keep cool. Lie flat on your back and do everything the nice swinger tells you to do.
Back: Would you believe 2,000,000 a day get laid on the average? That's 148,000 a minute. While the average reader reads this, about 1,000 are getting in, getting on, or getting off!

I kept a lotta crap in my wallet and while I'm not putting these into the new one...I don't think I'm ready to throw them away quite yet. Not that I'll ever use them but they still make me smile.
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