When I met Nick he admitted to me that he had problems with alcoholism and drug abuse in the past. He's 25 now but during high school he smoked marijuana and cigarettes and drank every day (showing up at school at 10 AM drunk). He also abused Ritalin and other prescription amphetamines. His drug abuse and drinking caused him to fail many of his high school classes and eventually he was kicked out of school for bringing alcohol.
At around 19 he stopped smoking marijuana and got his GED but continued to drink heavily. At 22 he cut back on his drinking after a fight with his ex-girlfriend caused him to move from their apartment in Michigan back to his hometown of Chicago.
I met him on a university trip to Chicago. At the time I was attending a university in Michigan but decided to transfer to a school in Chicago which offered the major I wanted to pursue. We've been dating since October 2007, I moved to Chicago in August 2008.
I knew about his past history with drug abuse and alcoholism when we first started dating but I was naive in how that would continue to affect him. I tried to keep an eye on his drinking, asked him to quit cigarettes (he did), and generally supported him making healthy decisions.
Since we were long distance for much of our first year I didn't think it was strange that when we saw each other he wanted to have a lot of sex. But when I moved to Chicago I started to notice that his desire for sex was almost extreme. We would have sex almost every time he came over, or when I went to his place. If he spent the night he would insist on having sex multiple times. He wouldn't take care of himself because he was thinking about sex so much. He would touch me inappropriately in my sleep, wake me up for sex, couldn't go to sleep without having sex.
I told him, that while I enjoyed having sex with him, I sometimes felt used. Like when he would continue to touch me when I asked him not to or when he would use my thighs to masturbate. He accused me of being frigid.
The other night was the breaking point. He had asked to come over and I told him I wans't going to have sex with him because I was feeling sick. He was "okay" with it and we went to sleep around midnight. At around 1 I felt him kissing me, but I was still partially asleep. Before I could wake up I felt him penetrate me. I yelped, he pulled out, but kept rubbing against me. He asked if we could have sex and I said yes because at that point it didn't seem to matter. I let him finish without interacting at all.
After it was over he kept asking what had he done. While we were having sex he stopped a few times to look at me then continued. He said he felt like he raped me. It wasn't rape since I consented but I felt used and upset. I told him to go home.
He told me his counselor he saw during his years of alcoholism warned him that even if he was able to quit the drugs and the alcohol he would find addiction in other places. His mom warned him that his relationship with me would fail if he didn't work out his issues. I guess both warnings came true.
He started going to a support group for sexual compulsive. I want to support him but at the same time he's violated my trust. I love him and realized he's an addict before we started dating so I'm not going to abandon him. But I don't know what to do right now.
Crossposted to addictedpartner