Ray (my_happy_places) wrote in climbingthewall,
Ray
my_happy_places
climbingthewall

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Did someone pour sugar in my gas tank?

12:39 AM 3/17/09 · I've long held that I'm addicted to sex. Seemed to have all the symptoms, my sex drive which was already high was on a seemingly neverending steady climb to even greater heights, and a number of other little things here and there. While I was still questioning it someone directed me to an online site for sex addicts and there was this little quiz dealio that you're supposed to take...

...and I scored really high.

Then again, I've always done well on tests.

Maybe "well" isn't the right word here.

On average I mastrubate (masturbate?) twice on any given day. If I try to interrupt that cycle it usually results into a sorta binge dealio up until the point I'm dehydrated; record is currently 9 times on a really hot afternoon. A big part o' why I'm so big into self·pleasure is because I don't normally orgasm during sex. I've been with 117 women and only 2 of them ever got me to orgasm.

Tend to discount 1 as she liberated me from my virginity. The other only managed to get me there after 9 hours of unrelenting sex.

We were just cool that way.

I got to a point where I wasn't having sex as much as I used to, disturbingly often with a multitude of months and once even a solid year without a willing woman to wrap around myself and us tearing into each other until we were left in a happy exhausted puddle of each other. It was a constant unending ache that getting myself off only eased the pain ever so slightly. I was starving for it, NEEDing it, going ½ outta my mind for it...

...and I ain't a bastion of sanity on the best o' days as it is.

So, sex addict. Easy to accept. Probably would've been easier to deal with if I hadn't gone the "best treatment for sex addiction is sex" route. Though admittedly that's improved greatly of late. Currently seeing 3 women, all of whom know about each other, and my NEED is purring like a kitten for the most part.

What's weird is my sex drive is doing something unusual. Where it was once constantly increasing...it's been decreasing of late. It's not like it hasn't fluctuated before, have a number of posts where I went off about something bizarre it was doing to me at one time or another, but this feels different.

Significantly different!

Ominously diff...I'm silly, sue me.

The only rational thing I can probably put to this is I'm 38 years old and, from what I've heard, sex drives tend to slump in men of my age range. This is kind of a relief as I'm not constantly aching for sex all the time now, though I'd be lying if I said the craving had gone away. There's also the annoying disadvantage that I'm not maintaining an erection as well as I used to. Normally I last up until the point I orgasm...which given I don't tend to orgasm during sex...

...well, you can do the math and see what I mean.

I used to laugh at those Cialis & Enzyte commercials.

Averaging only being able to maintain one for anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour now. Still better than the ballpark average but unfortunately the fact I'm not maintaining as long does not mean I'm getting off any easier.

A working theory as to why my libido is doing this about figures to all I've got. Might not even be right. Still, I can't help but wonder if I ever was actually addicted to sex or just reacting to my insane sex drive.

Just because I hit all the symptoms doesn't necessarily mean anything...right?
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