manic_insomnia (manic_insomnia) wrote in climbingthewall,
manic_insomnia
manic_insomnia
climbingthewall

Disgusting

That's how I feel for what I do. It's like it's not me, or well, that it FEELS like it's not me. I keep failing. I try SO hard, but I always seem to fail. I used to cut myself, to deal, but I'm done with that... I just wish I knew how to deal now. I think the scary part is that I don't get triggered by it always, and that I don't cry. Instead I'm numb- is that coping or dealing, because I can't do that. I just can't. I wish I knew what to do and how. I miss having people around me all the time, because then I had no way to engage, no opportunities- but being alone now, I have so many, and so many cravings, to the point I can't think or concentrate. I wish my doctor took this issue more seriously, instead of thinking it as nothing. I wonder if, I'm alone in this.
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